The other day I found myself flanked by both my girls in the changing room while Corks was trying on dresses for her final school dance... she was tall and beautiful to my right with an elegant long dress on and in high heels and Kitty was to my left, naturally tall and elegant (no heels needed) and me in the centre.
I was totally shocked by the "little old me" looking back at myself and I totally didn't recognise that old haggard lady. How could that possibly be me? How did this happen? With the girls standing tall beside me, I literally felt like I had shrunk. I know I have been rather stressed lately and it was evident on my face but my hair looked terrible... dry, old and lustreless. I wasn't sure why I had been hanging onto it so fiercely.
I knew in that instant, I was going to cut my hair all off. If you know anything about me you will know that I have had short hair issues and I have loved my long hair together with my girl's long hair. In many ways, I defiantly refused to cut my hair for almost 2 decades. It was very much a part of my femininity and my identity. Whatever it was, it was deep.
My friend once told me she believed our hair carries our memories and after I saw the transformation in Kitty's personality after we cut away her long and heavy hair, I think there might be some truth to it. Either way, I kind of love the notion of that. If I think back to some of the memories in the last decade alone, a lot needed to go. I needed to cut some things away. I feel like I am in a new season and I am ready to move forward from the past - I think I've been ready for a while. I did the cut in two stages because my hair was literally down to my lower back but once the first stage was gone, I was immediately ready for the second one.
I'm thrilled. I didn't expect that. I guess I was just ready.
I continue to be challenged to try and continue embracing how I get older... with grace and dignity and perspective. No one told me how hard this would be but for now I feel rejuvenated.
Much Love, Me