In the midst of me putting together and releasing my Clay Tutorials, ComeClayWithMe, our eldest brother passed away.
I wish I could find the words to tell you what we went through as a family but I can’t, it has felt so intensely and excruciatingly private. I am not sure we will ever fully understand the nature of what this was or is. We are in a world of pain at the moment and I am not sure we will ever really be the same as we grapple to make sense of so much.
It was the first time in a very long time that our whole family found ourselves together in the same place at the same time. How sad but COVID has made these moments impossible, never mind the nature of life itself.
The day after he passed, the five of us privately took a day together to hold each other close in our fragility and utter brokenness. We were mostly quiet, nothing really had to be said because what do you say? We found closeness and thats all we could hold on that day.
Today would have been his birthday.
I pushed hard to get my little tutorials out on time. I’m so grateful I did have these little tutorials to hold my focus and keep me accountable to finish strong for the commitment I had made to you, who had signed up. I feel I need to say a deep thank you to all of you who walked along side me the past few weeks and who have supported me and tiny little workshops. You have no idea how that helped me get through April and some of May too. Thank you too, for allowing me some quieter moments since releasing my classes. Once again, I just needed a moment to rest and recover and catch my breath.
Some days the weight of my soul is too heavy for my body to hold and I think there are many of us feeling like this at the moment in general. I know this is true for my family at the moment. I am struggling with that so much. If you are struggling with heaviness and the weight of these unexplainable moments and seasons that life keeps dishing up - I am with you and sending out love to you too.
All I can say for now… is just one day at a time.
